Dr. Hyatt's Wellness-Wise Tutoring

Supporting a Child Through Grief and Bereavement

 Even very young children feel the pain of bereavement, but they learn how to express their grief by watching the adults around them. After a loss – particularly of a sibling or parent – children need support, stability, and honesty. They may also need extra reassurance that they will be cared for and kept safe. As an adult, you can support children through the grieving process by demonstrating that it’s okay to be sad and helping them make sense of the loss.

Answer any questions the child may have as truthfully as you can. Use very simple, honest, and concrete terms when explaining death to a child. Children, especially young children, may blame themselves for what happened and the truth helps them see they are not at fault.

Open communication will smooth the way for a child to express distressing feelings. Because children often express themselves through stories, games, and artwork, encourage this self-expression, and look for clues in those activities about how they are coping.

How to help a grieving child:

Allow your child, however young, to attend the funeral if he or she wants to.

• Convey your spiritual values about life and death, or pray with your child.
• Meet regularly as a family to find out how everyone is coping.
• Help children find ways to symbolize and memorialize the deceased person.
• Keep your child’s daily routine as normal as possible.
• Pay attention to the way a child plays; this can be one of a child’s primary ways of communicating.

What not to do:

• Don’t force a child to publicly mourn if he or she doesn’t want to.
• Don’t give false or confusing messages, like “Grandma is sleeping now.”
• Don’t tell a child to stop crying because others might get upset.
• Don’t try to shield a child from the loss. Children pick up on much more than adults realize. Including them in the grieving process will help them adapt and heal.
• Don’t stifle your tears. By crying in front of your child, you send the message that it’s okay for him or her to express feeling too.
• Don't turn your child into your personal confidante. Rely on another adult or a support group instead. [helpguide.org]

–Submitted by Merle Adams

Elderly Communication Tips

As our parents and grandparents age, you may notice that it is more challenging to communicate effectively with them.  The following tips are suggested to make communication easier:

 

1.     Make sure the time is convenient.  Just like you, your Mom follows a routine.  She usually wakes up at the same time every day. She eats breakfast, lunch and dinner on a schedule. She may have certain daily activities she enjoys, like watching a particular TV program or getting her hair done. Be respectful. Make sure the time you want to stop by is convenient for her. 

 

2.     Make sure he/she is comfortable and seated in the most comfortable chair in the room. Ask if he/she needs anything to drink or needs to go to the bathroom before beginning your chat.

3.     Make sure your face is well lighted. Hearing loss is common as we age.  Many elderly people unconsciously read lips to better understand what is being said.  If your face is easy to see, it can be easier for your Mom or Dad to understand you.

 

4.     Talk to the good ear, making sure it is closest to you.  Position yourself so your loved one can hear you clearly.

 

5.     Choose a time of day when he/she is better able to focus.  Each of us has times of the day when we have more energy and focus.  Does your Mom function better in the morning, afternoon or evening? 

Does that match with your energy levels? Try to match your peak times.  If both you and your Dad function best mid-afternoon, that is when you should have your chat, so you have a better chance that your ideas will be well received. 

 

Retrieved from http//www.mreldercareonline.com

 Submitted by Merle E. Adams

It Is Well With My Soul!

The hymn "It Is Well With My Soul" was written by Horatio G. Spafford, a successful Christian lawyer and humanitarian, who suffered many tragedies in his life.   He and his wife, Anna, had five children, one son and four daughters.  Their son died from Scarlet Fever at age four.  Shortly after investing in real estate in Chicago, they lost it when the Great Chicago Fire destroyed most of the city in 1871.    When Anna's health began to fail and to help her overcome her grief from losing their son, Horatio decided to take his family to Europe. Some last minute business caused him to send his family ahead, with the intent to follow them on another ship a few days later.  Unfortunately for Horatio, there was even more sorrow to bear.  His family's ship was struck by a British ship in the Atlantic Ocean and Anna telegraphed him to say that  all four of their daughters drowned.

On His return home, his Law firm was burned down and the insurance refused to pay, claiming  it was "an act of God."  He had no money to pay for his house and no work, he also lost his house. Then while sitting and thinking what's happening to him, being a spiritual person, he wrote a song - whatever my lot, you have taught me to say - It is well, it is well with my soul.

My dear friend, a good attitude will determine your altitude. When you look at your life, career, job or family life, what do you say? Do you praise God? Do you blame the devil? A good attitude towards God makes Him move on your behalf. Just sit down and say, Today God, it is well with my soul. I am thankful I had a peaceful sleep. I am thankful I am alive with possibilities. I am thankful I have a roof over me. I am thankful I have a job. I am thankful that I have family and friends.

 Above all, I am thankful that I have the Lord Jesus Christ on my side. Be blessed and don't be envious or shocked when others are prospering, because you don't know what they have been through to get there (test, trials and tribulation).  So, thank God for what you have.  Little is much when God is in it. It Is Well With My Soul!

Submitted by C P

2012 Couples' Retreat

Well, this year’s couples’ retreat took place at the beautiful Basking Ridge DOLCE Resort in Basking Ridge, New Jersey.  Approximately twenty-two couples were present, with Pastor Brian Carter as the Facilitator.  This retreat was significant to me because it had been about four years since I last attended.  It was a last-minute decision we made to attend.  None-the-less, we arrived at the hotel about 4:30 pm on Friday, August 31; with plenty of time to settle in and get ready for dinner and Vespers at 6:00 and 9:00 pm, respectively.

                There is always drama when it came to Couples’ Retreat!  I remember the first year (about fourteen or so years ago) as if it were yesterday—the bus that we charted to transport about twenty-five couples (50 people) suffered a slight setback when the top of the bus blew off while travelling on the New Jersey Turnpike.  You see, we were going to Lancaster, PA, when this happened.  We took the whole thing in stride and had fun thinking about the lovely buses that passed our bus on the highway.  We had a GREAT time with our theme “Keeping the Fire Burning.”

                On Friday, August 31, 2012 was no exception.  Some couples got lost—taking the wrong turn; others got “stuck” in the Holland Tunnel due to traffic congestion, and others simply left their homes late so they did not reach DOLCE until late in the night.  One couple, in particular, was always late—if the meeting time is set for 7:00 p.m., they would turn up at 11:00 pm—therefore, drama is always expected at couples’ retreat.  Anyway, we ate dinner and hang around the hotel lobby on Friday evening waiting for Vespers to begin, while others were checking in and still others were trying to get some food before the hotel restaurant put away the food for the evening.

                We had Vespers and retired for the night—I slept like a baby!  We woke up bright and early on Sabbath morning, took showers and went down to the restaurant for our 7:00 a.m. – 8:30 am breakfast.  Since it was a nice relaxing night, everyone seemed happy and refreshed—people were smiling while greeting each other.  It was wonderful to see so many new faces.  We introduced ourselves and I greeted some of the gentlemen with a little neck rub, while claiming to be the retreat’s “Masseuse.”  We then went back to our rooms to get ready for our first session.  In the first hour, Elder and Sister Ewart Carter led out with me leading out in reading the Scriptures and Elder Howson offered prayer.  After that, the Facilitator took charge of the program.  He had my rapt attention, because I liked where he was going with his presentation.                

However, not too far into the presentation, an Elder asked a question about women ordination. O my goodness! Everything went in a completely different direction. The night before, that same Elder tried to engross us in the controversial topic of women ordination; but he had no luck because no "fish bit on his bait. " Well, this was his opportunity to do what he had no success doing the night before. The Facilitator entertained the subject, because he wanted to get the “dross out of the way.” The discussion went on and on until, some people started questioning the reason for the retreat and reminding everyone that the venue was not the place for the type of discussion.

After much ado, the Facilitator tried to tie in everything that was discussed as relevant to the theme—Matters that Hamper Family Relationships. —TO BE CONTINUED . 

 

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Families!



"Nuclear" Family

Family!  What is a family?  Family, familia (Latin); familie (Dutch); in any context, is a group of people that are affiliated by some affinity, or co-residence.  In the human race the family is the primary establishment for continuing the process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behaviors, and social skills that are necessary to his or her social position.  In other words, it is the primary “institution for the socialization of children.”  We say the socialization of children, because what we will become, we learn to be as children. 





God created the first family (husband and wife) and placed them in a home.  In that home, they were commanded to continue the process.  They were to so see to it that little Adams and little Eves filled their home and by extension, little Adams and Eves were to continue the process up to a thousand generations.  Each household that came out of the first should continue and build on, grow, build and teach.



Sadly, that nuclear family disintegrated into single-parent (one person); blended (couple with one or more children from a previous marriage) and gay families (people of the same gender having a “marriage.”)  With the amalgamation of the family unit in modern societies, how do we cope with the issues that present themselves?  How do we include everyone, without offending anyone?  How do we uphold the “nuclear” family without offending the “blended” family?  How do we serve the needs of the various types of families without being labeled “hate-mongers?” Should we support and serve the various family units without partiality; or should we just look about the needs of the families that are closely aligned to the “ideal” and forget about everyone else?


"Single" Father Family

These are questions that societies struggle to deal with on a daily basis, both inside and outside of the church. We do not have all the answers.  We do know, however, that these units, be it “nuclear,” “blended,” “single,” or “gay” make up homes, neighborhoods, communities, churches, villages, cities, and countries of the world.          




"Single" Mother Family

Fortunately, as a church community and large family, we are not left to blow in the wind. We have a Creator and Father who loves us all! He cares for all of us. He has no pleasure in some of the choices that we have made, but nonetheless, He is waiting to help us navigate the chaos that we have made for ourselves. He bids us, “do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isa 41:10 NIV)

—Submitted by: Doreen Howson

  

              

The Pope is Resigning!

The Pope is resigning! Effective February 28, Pope Benedict XVI will be stepping down as Supreme Pontiff. What do you know, the Pope is resigning! In six hundred years, it is the first time since a Pontiff will not die while holding the job. What is the significance of this event? It this related to prophesy? One lady said to me last evening, this means that the world is coming to an end.



Pope Benedict XVI

People are making all sorts of assumptions! Among the ideas floating around are: there may be a scandal; something is going on behind the scenes; things are not as they seem; Popes do not resign, they die in office; they have another man who they can manipulate; he is not as out-going as Pope John Paul II. O my, don't be surprised if you hear that he is dead shortly.

There should be no comparison made between he and his predecessor--one man was a peoples' person and a world traveler. The other man is a scholar, and a serious-by-the-book Catholic. One felt that he could do nothing else after leaving the Pontiff's Office; while the other believed that because of his age and declining health, he should step down so that a younger and more vibrant man can fulfill the role of leading so massive a people.

As one Cardinal puts it, it takes a certain sense of humility to put pride and self-interests aside and focus on what is best for the Church. Looking at the whole thing, it must take some level of self-abasement to step from the spotlight back into "nothingness." Whatever may be the reason or reasons behind the Bishop of Rome’s resignation, it will be in the news for weeks, even months to come.

Before the words were dry on paper or the news out in the media, people were taking wagers as to who will be the next Pontiff. At the beginning of March they will convoke a conclave to select the next Pontiff. Until then, we will hear much more about the Pontiff’s resignation. What do people call him on March 1? Do they call him the ex-Pope? Or do they call him Cardinal Ratzinger? Since it has been a long, long time since a Pope resigned, I think they will deal with the issues as they present themselves—you are talking about the Catholic Church, y’all!